~buttaflykisses
the girl next door. welcome to my notebook.
Journal Entry: Tue Jun 13, 2006, 8:18 PM
*** Warning Disclaimer: Do not read if you don't enjoy a good love story. ***
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One of my all-time favorite movies is The Notebook. Yesterday, at the lake, I finally had the priviledge of reading the book that the movie was based on by Nicholas Sparks. It was really a beautifully written book. As I read more, certain lines began to literally jump off the page at me, and I could very easily relate moments from the story to my own life. To make this easier for you, the reader, to follow, I will bold the passages that I have taken directly from the book.
More than anything, the story is one of love. A story I never dreamed I'd be given the opportunity to live out. Especially in high school. I'm far too lucky, because what Bryan and I share is rare.... and is beautiful.
"Poets always describe love as an emotion that we can't control, one that overwhelms logic and common sense. That's what it was like for me. I didn't plan on falling in love with you, and I doubt if you planned on falling in love with me. But once we met, it was clear that neither of us could control what was happening to us. We fell in love despite our differences, and once we did, something rare and beautiful was created."
Like I've said many a time before, falling in love wasn't exactly something on my "to-do" list. The first time I looked at Bryan, I had no intention of falling in love with, and no intention of being anything more than friends. The ironic part is that when I was dating a close friend of his, I had him promise me that if we talked more that he wouldn't fall in love with me. But as I continued to date around, I realized how empty inside I really was and that I needed more than what I was being given.
"She wanted something else, something different, something more. Passion and romance, perhaps, or maybe quiet conversation in candlelit rooms, or perhaps something as simple as not being second."
And this is what he showed me. He gave me a very sincere romance that girls could only dream of having. He poured passion onto the pages of my life and gave me my very first candlelight dinner. I have always been an important priority to him, and for that, I am forever grateful. He for one has always been one of the most supportive people in my life, supporting my passions and my artistic talents.
"I loved the freedom I felt when I created, the way it made me feel inside to make something beautiful."
Although Bryan has been very supportive in my life, some other people have not. And when I say supportive I don't just mean when it comes to my art. My parents are very supportive with my artwork, but my relationships aren't exactly the case. It's a little hard when you spend your entire life listening to your parents telling you to date your gay best friend. They only say this because they don't know his true orientation, but I don't want to say anything because I don't want it to change the way that they look at him. I mean, my parents like Bryan, but he's "not Chewy." But you know what....
"I don't care what my parents think, I love you and always will; she would say. We'll find a way to be together."
"So, what are you guys going to do about college?" is the question Mom has asked me. "Stay together" is the only answer that I have in my heart. I can't imagine not being with him after the summer ends. He's too much of a part of me. Even just saying goodbye at the end of a nice night is hard because it hurts.
"The reason it hurts so much to separate is because our souls are connected."
I've never been shown a connection like this before. I've never been able to truly feel the rain on my skin... until now. Until the night that he taught me.
"The rain began to come down even harder. Harder than she'd ever seen it. Allie looked upward and laughed, giving up an attempt at keeping dry, making Noah feel better. There was no uneasiness between them as they reached the door and both of them went inside, pausing in the foyer, clothes dripping."
It was the night that I first realized and told him that I was completely in love with him. That night I also taught him something; how to live in a moment.
"Don't try to say anything," she tells me. "Let's just feel the moment." And I do, and I feel heaven."
That night it was almost if he could read my thoughts before I spoke them. He's always been good with words, sometimes almost poetic without really trying, but all of his words come directly from his heart, one of his finer qualities, that is so very attractive in my eyes. He so elegantly expressed to me that I was the girl of his dreams that he had spent so much time searching for and chasing after the wrong ones and how much I really did mean to him.
"He whispered to her, "You are the answer to every prayer I've offered. You are a song, a dream, a whisper, and I don't know how I lived without you for as long as I did. I love you, more than you can ever imagine and I always will."
Day by day, talk by talk, he has become not only my lover, but one of my best friends. I can confidentally say that I trust him. Most of you do not completely know the extent of what this means for me. Without going into too much detail, my past has given me reason to have trouble trusting again. So trusting him is a great accomplishment. I've shared things with him that very few people out there know. He knows my hopes and dreams and deepest longings, and I in turn know his. We've made countless promises to one another to keep what we have alive and to make this last. I can't do this alone.
"She would tell him what she wanted in her life- her hopes and dreams for the future- and he would listen intently and then promise to make it all come true. And the way that he said it made her believe him, and she knew then how much he meant to her. Without him she couldn't have a future."
I need love in my future. I need THIS love in my future. I need HIM in my future. Thoughts like this are a bit scary to write, but anyone who is in love and reading this, will completely understand what I mean. Mostly why it is scary is because we're so young and this almost caught me by surprise. I'm not sure if I could ever have been completely ready for this as fast as it all happened. Well, they say that love always finds you when you aren't ready or looking for it. But now that I'm looking love in the face, with every blink of those deep brown eyes, I AM completely ready to embrace my future. With whatever the future has to hold for me... and for us, I can now confidently say....
"...I've loved another with all of my heart and soul, and to me, this will always be enough."
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Devious Comments
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"A story I never dreamed I'd be given the opportunity to live out. Especially in high school. I'm far too lucky, because what Bryan and I share is rare.... and is beautiful."
If only it were possible to further describe our relationship outside of those words alone. We've truly surpassed high school relationships, and those beyond school itself. Actually, this relationship is one of a kind, one only we could share together. Perhaps that's why our feelings for each other are so strong, and perhaps this is why we'll never lose these feelings and can love with all we have, as well.
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"I had him promise me that if we talked more that he wouldn't fall in love with me. But as I continued to date around, I realized how empty inside I really was and that I needed more than what I was being given."
You're spilling out not only your emotions, but mine as well. As you said yesterday, it's ironic how we first promised each other we wouldn't fall in love, and now we're promising each other we won't fall out of love. The first promise was meant to be broken, but the latter, well, we both know the answer. Honestly, I don't see how we could ever break that promise anyway. This relationship has proved itself time and time again how it seems almost impossible to go on without each other.
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"He poured passion onto the pages of my life and gave me my very first candlelight dinner. I have always been an important priority to him, and for that, I am forever grateful. He for one has always been one of the most supportive people in my life..."
A candlelight dinner doesn't even prove how much you mean to me, sweetheart. I try my hardest all the time to show and prove my love, but I can only ever scratch the surface. Even though you know I love you, it seems like I could never tell you enough. And as far as being supportive, it's not as I am forced to, or I do it to make you happy. I am supportive because I love you, because sometimes you need that extra push to know you're headed in the right direction. And that's what I try to provide for you -- one of the many reasons why I'm here.
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"My parents are very supportive with my artwork, but my relationships aren't exactly the case. It's a little hard when you spend your entire life listening to your parents telling you to date your gay best friend."
Bird's are almost a great symbolization of parents. Always pestering and nagging until they get their way. It takes time till they learn sometimes they can't always get what they want. But no matter what's done, it's always important to stick with what you want, not what others want you to do. Living your own story is the only way to write your own notebook.
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"So, what are you guys going to do about college?" is the question Mom has asked me. "Stay together" is the only answer that I have in my heart."
Then that's what we're going to do. There's only one thing we can do, and that's to keep going. And we're doing just that, quite successfully if I might add. Together we can do anything, this love keeps us strong.
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"...one of his finer qualities, that is so very attractive in my eyes. He so elegantly expressed to me that I was the girl of his dreams that he had spent so much time searching for and chasing after the wrong ones and how much I really did mean to him."
I'm finally able to express who I really am. Why is that? Because of you. You've taught me to live my life in passion, to finally become that full-fledged hopeless romantic that I've only dreamed of becoming. It's all now possible, thanks to you. And for that you get to experiece first-hand all I could ever offer someone. You deserve it. I was lost until a certain girl blessed me with opportunities, and more importantly, how to love.
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"So trusting him is a great accomplishment. I've shared things with him that very few people out there know. He knows my hopes and dreams and deepest longings, and I in turn know his. We've made countless promises to one another to keep what we have alive and to make this last. I can't do this alone."
A handful of late night phone conversations, a whole lot (1000+, hehe) of sweet kisses and the tons of unreplaceable moments we've experienced together. This relationship wouldn't be as far as it is without those, whether chatting it up on AIM, in bed (not ment how half of you take it), oh the phone, on the couch... wherever. One of the key foundations we built this love on was the trust we have for each other. You can't do this alone because we've got each other, through thick and through thin. Even if we feel lost in life, at least we know we can cling onto this love to help guide us.
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"But now that I'm looking love in the face, with every blink of those deep brown eyes, I AM completely ready to embrace my future. With whatever the future has to hold for me... and for us, I can now confidently say....
"...I've loved another with all of my heart and soul, and to me, this will always be enough."
Bird's -- most specifically doves, have often symbolized love between two people. If you're a bird then I'm a bird, sweetheart. And if there's any pair of birds that could symbolize us, it would be doves. As you have seen it within me, I have seen it within you. Both of our futures will be embraced together. It's scary publically announcing this to all of your readers, but why hide something so obvious? I have never been able to love and trust someone so fully, you have every part of me, and I could never have found more of a deserving person.
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This journal entry brought the biggest smile on my face, sweetie. We've finally started to begin our own love novel, we no longer have to base it on some other story. We are our own story, from cover to cover, it's all about us. Even though it feels like a lot, this is only the beginning. We've always been suckers for love stories, so I suppose this one will be no different. But that works for me! Live and love your life to the fullest, sweetie, because there's no reason to ever be dragged down.
-Bryan
justt awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
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je veux aller á la fête
anyway my point is- strap in girl you are in for the long haul which just means this will get deeper and greater and sweeter (tho along w the amazing love you feel you'll also get the lonely nights wishing he was by your side and the days you just wish you could run away and get married...) but...its all worth it when he holds you in his arms, kisses you and says "im so glad you're mine. I want to be yours forever"
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WARNING! : Walking love story!
~Photoshop-Whores
I LOVE TIM!
-dbr
""So, what are you guys going to do about college?" is the question Mom has asked me. "Stay together" is the only answer that I have in my heart. I can't imagine not being with him after the summer ends. He's too much of a part of me. Even just saying goodbye at the end of a nice night is hard because it hurts.
"The reason it hurts so much to separate is because our souls are connected.""
oh wow...completely. lol. my mom has asked me about college numerous times and ive told her i dont care...im going to be with him. i know i WANT to be with him forever and i know i will so i guess to them its just que sera sera... Im going to b w him forever lol. But nothing has ever struck me as letting him go...like...ive been through quite a bit but its like...everytime i say goodbye it stings because i dont know when ill even get to hug him next...:sigh: but thats his parents and thats what makes a real relationship in high school so hard!
and lmbo i swear ive written this exactly paragraph
"Thoughts like this are a bit scary to write, but anyone who is in love and reading this, will completely understand what I mean. Mostly why it is scary is because we're so young and this almost caught me by surprise. I'm not sure if I could ever have been completely ready for this as fast as it all happened. Well, they say that love always finds you when you aren't ready or looking for it. But now that I'm looking love in the face, with every blink of those deep brown eyes, I AM completely ready to embrace my future. With whatever the future has to hold for me... and for us, I can now confidently say ...." haha i swear ive written that. lol.
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WARNING! : Walking love story!
~Photoshop-Whores
I LOVE TIM!
-dbr
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Boys suck! Throw rocks at them!
You know you truly love someone when all that you want is for them to be happy. Even if you're not a part of that happiness.
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Only time will tell, and time is a sadistic asshole.
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